The role of a step parent.

Dads, Step dads, moms and step moms… what a challenge each of us has. Playing the role of a dad and step dad or mom and step mom at the same time is a challenge. Why, because both roles are similar but they are also very different. As a mothers and fathers, we have the natural God instinct to mentor, encourage, love and support our own children. This should be a simple concept without any complications. The moms and dads get it and the children get it when as parents were are properly acting as the mothers and fathers that we should be.

However, when this same mom or dad acts out the role that they have as a step parent, then things change a bit. How so, you might ask? The mom or dad can’t act like the natural parent of the step child because they aren’t the natural parent of that child. That might seem too obvious but it isn’t always easy to apply this. The reason that it isn’t always obvious is because we as step parents desire to treat them as they were our own because we chose to love, nurture and lead them when we chose to marry their parent. In that sense, we do see ourselves as their “parent” and we might end up even acting as if we were their parent. This dynamic can set us up for failure in our relationships with our step children, husbands and wives. Therefore it is important for us to clearly distinguish for ourselves and our step children what role we have in their lives.

We have to go into the relationship with our step children with the idea that we are going to act as their fathers and mothers in that you will treat them the same way that you would treat your own children. Make it very clear to your step children that you are not trying to replace their birth parent. This is the simplest and most honest statement that you can make to them. Doing this takes the pressure off of you as a step parent to be something that you truly aren’t. This will also take the pressure off of your step children to treat you as their parent when in fact that you aren’t their parent! What a relief for them. By having two clear distinct roles, children are able to have a place or category for you. They have their own birth parent and they have you as their step parent. For a child to act as if they have two moms and/or two dads would be difficult, confusing and frustrating for them.

Keep it simple, clarify your role as step parent but clarify that you intend to love and support them as if they were your own child!

Happy parenting and step parenting.